Coaching Chemistry

When we think of coaching we typically think of a relationship between coach and client where the client undergoes some sort of change, whether that's learning a new skill or something more developmental. But what about the coach? What happens to them in the coaching relationship? Where does the change come from? Does the change come from within the client? Does the coach change the client? Does the coach get changed as well, or are they separate?

I have been talking to a lot of other coaches recently and asking them how they see their relationships with their clients. I typically get one of four answers. I have started calling these the compulsion model, the crucible model, the catalyst model and the constituent model. Or, if you prefer, the 4Cs.

CoachingDave Martin27 April 2021coachingComment

Strategies Around Control and Influence

We all have a collection of things in our lives that we would like to change. When it comes to change, we often find that it's a lot harder than we expect it to be. Even small things turn out to be much more difficult that we think they should be. The problem comes down to control.

In order to change something to be exactly the way you want it, you need to control it. If you try to change something you have no control over, you will fail. A lot of coaches and consultants will get you to draw diagrams showing the things you control vs the things you don't. The message is that you can change the things you control and can only influence the things you don’t. If you want to change something the way to do that is to expand your sphere of control - try to gain control of the thing you want to change. Unfortunately, 99% of those diagrams are completely wrong. We generally have control over far less than we think we do.

Leadership, CoachingDave Martin13 April 2021control, influence, leadership, coachingComment

Support Networks

Over the last few posts we have been looking at self care, why it's important and how to be realistic about our goals, especially in times that are chaotic and stressful. One thing I haven't really touched on much is that self care isn't something you need to do alone. I know that sounds counter-intuitive but trust me on this - self care is often a great group activity. We, and by we, I mean people here in Australia and other similar western countries, have a real bias towards individual effort. We raise rugged individualism almost to a national characteristic. We feel that we should be self reliant. If it's our problem, we need to fix it ourselves. If it's our goal we need to reach it ourselves. Individual effort is seen as better and more pure than team efforts. Team efforts are seen as more dilute and somehow less worthy.

We see this all the time. We reward the hero employee who worked all night to fix a problem but not the well functioning team who prevented a problem from occurring in the first place. We have the hero leader who rides in, fixes the problem and rides out again. The solo entrepreneur who brings their dream to life. The hero CEO who turns a company around. Even in our team sports we single out the most valuable individual player each game and give them an award. Reaching out to others for help is seen as unworthy. Weak.

CoachingDave Martin30 March 2021self care, NetworksComment

Self Care in Stressful Times

Last time I talked about the importance of self care and how caring for self is what really enables caring for others. Care for self is what recharges our reserves and gives us the energy to do the same for others. Care for others without care for self is draining and unsustainable. This time I'm going to talk about some strategies for practising self care in stressful times. This really applies all the time but is particularly relevant when we are under unusual stress.

This past 12 months have been a very difficult time for many, if not most of us. Pandemics, lockdowns, work insecurity, added to natural disasters and a long overdue reckoning on racial injustice made for a very stressful time. During stressful times, self care is especially important and many people recognised that at the beginning of the pandemic. There was a lot of talk initially about using the lockdowns to reset and invest in self care (Covid baking, sourdough, cooking, exploring your neighbourhood, investing in home exercise equipment, colour coding your bookshelves). Followed a few months later by guilt and shame at not being able to maintain that initial drive long term. Many people found themselves paralysed and unable to even start the simplest of projects. Lots of time but no energy.

Leadership, CoachingDave Martin16 March 2021self care, leadership, stressComment

Care for Self as Well As Others

Last time we looked at care as a leadership strategy - how care for others is the key to great leadership. Leaders who truly care for the welfare of others and demonstrate that continuously are the ones who can lead their teams and organisations through uncertainty because their people are more willing to follow and try different things. Care builds trust and trust is needed if you want someone to move willingly out of their comfort zone and try something new. Particularly if that change will be an uncomfortable or difficult one.

There was one aspect of care though that I didn't talk about and it's a really important one - always remember that care is not just for others. Care for Self is really important, and, sadly, often overlooked. I have seen many leaders who care very deeply about their people and their organisation. They devote themselves to their organisation and their teams and they work tirelessly to make them better. And they completely neglect themselves.

Leadership, CoachingDave Martin2 March 2021care, leadership, self careComment

Care as a Leadership Strategy

Last time I talked about the 3 C's required for people to feel empowered - Clarity, Competence and Care. We need all 3 for people to feel empowered. They need the skills to do the job right (competence), they need the information to make the right decision (clarity) and they need to feel that the organisation and its leadership are asking them to step up and take responsibility because it's the right thing for them, not the thing that will make the most profit or allow more downsizing (care). It should make their jobs better and more fulfilling, it should help them grow and advance their careers. If all 3 C's are present, people will feel empowered.

So care is essential for empowerment, but that's not all. My view is that care is the single most important quality that sets great leaders apart from everyone else. These days, care is not something we talk about a lot in a business context. There might be an "Employee care" section of the HR website which lists the services you can call when the stress of your job gets too much, but there is very little actual care involved in modern business. You are more likely to hear words like "data driven" than "care driven". I mean, most organisations call people "resources" without even cringing a little (and treat them like resources as well). Actual, real care and compassion for people is missing in modern organisations and I strongly feel that it needs to be brought back. Not just because it's good for people, but because it's good for business as well.

Leadership, CoachingDave Martin16 February 2021leadership, care, compassionComment

The Three C's of Empowerment

Hi folks, first post back after the break. I hope you all had a great holiday season and that the new year is treating you kindly (at least kinder than last year). I thought today that I would go back to a topic that I have covered before, because I think I left something important out when I covered it the first time. I have written before about empowerment and what conditions need to exist before people will accept that empowerment (here) . Empowerment isn't something you can just give to someone and expect it to work, they need to accept the responsibility and authority that they are given. If they don't accept it, they will be empowered on paper but will still turn to the hierarchy to make decisions for them.

I said before that there are two key things that need to exist in order for people to accept empowerment - clarity and competence. Clarity is the organisational clarity around why the decision needs to be made and what the operational constraints and limits are on the options that can be considered. Competence is the skills and other knowledge that someone needs in order to operate in that space. Without those two, no matter how much you tell people they are empowered to act, they will not do it. Unless they feel competent and have the right clarity, empowerment will not happen. All that still holds from when I originally wrote it, but I left something out. There is a third C - Care.

Leadership, CoachingDave Martin2 February 2021empowerment, care, compassion, leadershipComment

Dealing Openly With Our Biases

I am a biased person. I will freely admit it. I have plenty of biases. So are you by the way (if this is a human reading this, of course). If you are an algorithm, then you probably have biases as well depending on your training data. If you are some alien tapping into our internet to work out your invasion plan, then I can't say whether you have biases or not, but I do welcome you as our new overlords. The thing is, we all have biases. Some that we recognise and some that we don't.

When presented with solutions to a problem, I will generally pick the one that is best for the environment, or the one that is best for growing community. You may pick the one that makes the most money or is cheapest. Or you may pick the one that conquers the native population of the planet the fastest. The problem is that as coaches we are supposed to help our clients achieve their goals. Not ours. We are supposed to put our own biases aside and give the client what they want. But how can we? If we are filled with biases ourselves, can we really put them aside?

CoachingDave Martin8 December 2020bias, perspective, presence, coachingComment

The Importance of Networks

When you come up with a new idea for a project, whether it's for work, as a side hustle, or just something to do around the house, what's the first thing you do? Usually, you will start to work out what you need to do to get the job done - start putting together a to-do list. For large projects that to-do list won't be for getting the job done, there will be a significant to-do list generated just to get the project started. Sadly, this is where most projects stop. With an ever growing, ever more daunting to-do list. A list that no matter how much you work on it never gets any smaller. Energy drops off. Enthusiasm wanes. Projects stall.

For some projects, even putting together the to-do list to get started is too daunting a job. It's so much easier to carry on with life as usual, forever putting it off and dreaming of how much better things will be once you can get started. I have worked with some people whose ideas have sat idle for decades because they just couldn't get started. In working with people whose ideas are stuck I have found that there is usually a way to get things unstuck and moving again. It's nothing to do with them. They don't need more motivation or drive or skills or willpower. They have plenty of that. What they need is a network.

Coaching, LeadershipDave Martin24 November 2020Networks, motivation, feedback, goalsComment