Tension and the desire for change
We all carry within us a picture of how we would like reality to be. Then there is the objective reality that surrounds us. When those two do not agree, an uncomfortable tension is built up and it is this tension that creates the desire for change. Our imagined state is usually a much happier/more productive/more complete state than the one we actually find ourselves in. How many times have you said to yourself something like "I wish I could be more..." or even more commonly "I wish work could be more like...."? The difference between our dreams and aspirations and where we find ourselves creates a mental tension and this drives the desire to change.
Mental tension is uncomfortable. It needs to be resolved. It won't resolve itself - something needs to change to resolve that tension. There are only two things that can change here, either we make changes to make the world we live in more like the one we aspire to, or we lower our aspirations to make our dreams more like reality. Either we change the world, or the world changes us. Unfortunately, it is often much easier to adjust our aspirations downwards than to make real change in the world.
We see this dynamic all the time. A person or organisation starts a change full of passion. They really want to change the way things are. But as the change process starts, it becomes clear that it's not as easy as it first seemed. There are obstacles. There are challenges. There is a lot of hard work to be done. So you start to hear things like "well, compared to others we aren't really that bad", or "we need to set more achievable goals" and the goals and aspirations get watered down. Eventually, after a few superficial changes, changes that really change nothing, they declare success and move on.
This is particularly common in corporate change programs as there is a lot of organisational inertia resisting the change and a lot of complexity. Personal change (although still really hard) is simpler as there is only one complex individual involved. In a corporate change program, especially if the aim is to do some deep work that requires new ways of thinking as opposed to just new ways of doing, then you are looking at perhaps hundreds or thousands of personal changes needed. Also, the people involved in a corporate change are usually much less invested in that change that someone who is trying a personal change.
For someone trying to change themselves, that change has often been sparked by something really meaningful and important to them so they have a lot of investment in it. In a corporate change, the change may have been sparked way off in a department far, far away (or worse, by a set of external consultants) and may not seem particularly relevant to a lot of the people involved. They have no personal connection or investment.
So change often fizzles out as expectations are adjusted downwards. Adjusting expectations has the effect of releasing the tension that drove the initial desire to change and the desire to change vanishes. Well...not entirely. This is the downside to the expectation lowering method of releasing tension. Deep down, no matter how much you tell yourself that you are happy with the way things are, your original dreams and aspirations keep lurking around, popping unwanted thoughts into your head. Telling you that no, things really aren't better, things really haven't changed. Deep down you know you have compromised. You may be able to rationalise that compromise using words like "achievability" or "realism" but you know that more is possible.
In reality that tension does not go away. It may lessen. It may not pull at you as strongly. But it is still there in the background. And it will build up over time as all the residual tension of all your compromised changes lurk in the back of your mind, building up frustration and resentment. This is not a good place to be in. People whose expectations have been continually adjusted downward can become cynical. Disillusioned. Depressed. Disengaged. Resentful.
So what's the solution? Well in one sense it's obvious - hold tight to your dreams. Don't adjust your expectations downward as things get hard. Keep fighting for what you believe in. That's very easy to say, but that path can lead to burnout and all sorts of other bad things. Continually bashing your head against a brick wall day after day, year after year, and never seeing the wall break is one of the most demoralising, soul destroying experiences we can have. So a simple message of "hold tight to your dreams and keep fighting" just doesn’t help.
It's deeper than that. You need to hold tight to your dream, but hold loosely to the outcome. Accept that your dream may not be achievable, but strive every day to get closer. Toyota has a goal of what they call single piece flow. It's a technical manufacturing concept and we don't need to explain exactly what it is but the important thing is that single piece flow, in all but the most trivial of situations, is impossible. You can never achieve single piece flow in a complex manufacturing process. But that doesn't stop it being Toyota's goal. It's been their goal since the 1950s. The fact that they will never get there doesn't matter. What matters is that each day they move a step or two closer. Or they might have moved further away because of a failed experiment. That doesn't matter because tomorrow they will try something different and get closer again.
As individuals and organisations, we should hold our dreams and aspirations tightly but not fixate on getting there. What matters is the journey. Each day a step or two closer. It's these small steps in the right direction that are your reward. That's what gives you that release of tension. Each little step gives you a reward and the tension keeps you moving forward. Holding the outcome lightly keeps the tension in balance - enough to keep pulling us forward but not enough that it builds up and snaps.