Last time I wrote about the drive for change being caused by a tension between the way we want the world to be and the way the world is. We looked at the two ways in which to release that tension - change reality to match your vision, or lower your vision to match reality. We explored the sad fact that most of the time it’s much easier to lower your expectations and what happens when you do that. We also looked at how you can keep your dreams alive in the face of difficulty - by not fixating on reaching the goal but focusing on the progress made along the journey. That post generated a bunch of questions from readers so I thought I'd write a follow-up to address them. 

There were three main questions raised - does the goal have to be an external goal (change the world) and not an internal goal (change me); is any changing of your goal a bad thing; and what to do if you are a really goal oriented person and keep focusing on reaching that goal.

Let's take these in order. Is self change a good goal? “Yes” is the short answer. “Yes, absolutely yes” is the slightly longer answer. The desire to improve yourself can be even more powerful than the desire to change the external world. The tension created when there is a gap between the self you want to be and the self you are now is just as strong as the tension created between the world you want and the world that is. 

 In fact, to change the external world you most often need to start that change from yourself - be the change you want to see.  So most external change goals will have (even if you don't realise it) a self change component. Trying to change the world without changing yourself is one of the most common ways for changes to get stuck. As a very concrete example, many corporate change programs stall when leaders want to change the organisation but are unwilling or unable to change the way they lead.

When looking at self change, it is even more important to hold the goal lightly. Having a vision of yourself as some saintly figure is a worthy goal but when that collides with the real world and all its compromises, your failure to attain sainthood can lead to a lot of negative thoughts about yourself which can be unhealthy. It is really important to focus on the progress you are making - slightly better than you were yesterday or last week - rather than your failure to attain enlightenment yet again this week.

That leads on to the second question - is it OK to change your goal or is any shift in the goal a bad thing? While we don't want to abandon or lower our goals in the face of difficulty, it is OK (and desirable) to change our goals when our goals are no longer appropriate for where our lives are right now. What do I mean by that? Well, that goal you had to be the CEO of a major company that you formed when you finished your business degree when you were 25 may not be what you want now that you are 35 and have a partner and kids. Maybe there are more important thing in your life right now - like being the best parent you can be.  Or moving to the country so you can raise a family away from the pressure of the city. Or maybe you do still want to be CEO.

The thing is that as our lives change and we grow older and have new experiences, our desires and goals will naturally shift. Life changes us. We discover new things. Life teaches us lessons about what is important to us and what isn't. What is important to us as a young person may not be what is important to us when we are older. Or it may be. Some people have a single goal from very young, others change theirs. Neither is better. What we need to do though is continually reassess our goal. Look at that goal honestly and ask "Is this still where I want to go?". If it is, then great. If not, then that's OK too. You have changed and your goals change with you.

This isn't easy. Letting go of a goal that you have held for a long time is hard. But better that you let it go and focus on what is really important to you now, than strive for a goal that you can no longer really connect with. There is nothing worse that reaching a long held goal and finding it empty. Really getting to grips with your goals and desires requires a lot of very honest appraisal of yourself. It's hard. It's uncomfortable. But it's important.

That leaves us with our last question - what do goal oriented folks do? How can they stop fixating on reaching that goal and focus instead on the journey? Not fixating on reaching the goal doesn't mean you can’t have goals. In fact having goals is a really great way to make progress. What you need to do is focus not on that big, shiny, light on the hill, far away goal, but on what your next step is. What can I do next to get closer to my end goal? Each step on your journey can become a mini goal in itself. Enough to keep even the most avid goal setter happy for a long time.

Even better, these mini goals, if you think about them right, can be short term and super attainable - what can I do in the next month? The next week? Tomorrow? Reaching a whole series of mini goals, each of which gets you closer to your long term goal, will give a real sense of progress and achievement. In fact, the main way you get someone to focus on the journey rather than the destination is by setting a series of interim goals.

Hopefully that answers the questions you had. If you have any more, let me know and I'll do my best to answer those as well.